No, I am not becoming a mystic.
I borrow the title from a book by the same name written by Rev. Jackie E. McCullough. The title stayed with me the day I saw it and I could never get it off my mind since then. It’s been about two years now since I saw the book and it raised some questions that I have searched deeply for answers to.
The main question that first came was ‘what does she mean by that? How could a soul possibly be satisfied?’ After all I have been taught that satisfaction is a bad thing. But there is a distinction I find – it is complacency (self-satisfaction) which is the lazy feeling you get when you don’t want to improve any more that is bad but satisfaction brings peace to you. And peace in these times I live in ain’t a bad deal. I then wondered what satisfaction would mean to me. It surprised me that I thought of achievements and tangibles as the things that would bring satisfaction. But would they satisfy my soul? … Permanently? …that’s a tough one.
I believe that the source of satisfaction of the soul would be – in one word – Validation. Why do I want things and want to achieve goals? Why do I seek after people to love and accept me? Because deep down inside I want to be told that I’m worth it. Validation is so important because it answers the question of existence. It answers the question of worth. But the need for validation is not bad or wrong. Just human. The ways to seek it, however, is another story. So seeking after things or people because I somehow believe that they will make me matter or make me important doesn’t work because I see how relationships sour or change dimension all too soon, the novelty of achievements wears off or someone does something better, the things I possess become outdated or even damaged. Then what?
I want to pursue this validation thing from another angle. What if I didn’t look outside to be validated? What if I valued myself simply because I was human? I believe that one of the most powerful things that I could do for myself would be to derive my value from the mere fact of my existence – a creature of God. Then I would cast the impression of my value on things that I did or had. They would be important simply because I did them. This would make me do more than I ever thought possible. I am not advocating arrogance but simply an admission of the intrinsic worth that is in each human. I believe that would be a more productive and peaceful way of life for me. It would answer the question of my existence in a way that would always be relevant. This is – I believe – the path to true satisfaction of the soul. No, it’s not easy. Not in this environment where I always get the suggestions that I need this or that and if I don’t have it I am incomplete in some way. But I have determined to regulate my internal atmosphere. I have decided to be worth it – whether or not I win any honours. Although I would like to. Lol 😉
Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.
C. S. Lewis