The Education of a Romantic

I was not allowed to read Mills and Boon novels growing up but that didn’t stop me from laying my hands on quite a few and with them transporting myself to a place where a guy stepped in and saved me from… well, everything. A handsome dude with well defined pecs and no problem lifting me would come into my life, sweep me off my feet, save me from all loneliness and be my everything. That was all well and good…until I grew up.

First off, this love business is hard. To make a love match is like having two strangers walking down a street filled with ice cream shops selling every conceivable flavour enter the same shop at the same time and order the same flavour. What are the odds?

Suddenly, handsome didn’t count so much anymore. I know I don’t want a Quasi Modo look-alike but I met so many fine dudes with very ugly insides so I scratched that off my list. Passable would do. Also, he was too busy with the business of balancing life and paying attention to important people to spend that much time at the gym.  I’m carrying a few ‘el-bees’ of my own anyway.

As for being rich, there were only two really viable ways for that to happen. Wait for someone to show up with all the dosh in his pockets in which case it would be a really long wait or pull an Anna Nicole Smith and hook the first rich geezer I laid my eyes on. Only problem was that neither of these options gave me any satisfaction. So I settled for someone who wouldn’t let me (and any possible kids) starve and would give me some nice things.

And the sweeping me off my feet, well turns out that he had a limp before because he’d tried to sweep some other girl off hers in the past and well, let’s just say she stomped him with her stiletto heels.

And as to being my everything. It turns out that he was only human. And I had to accept that he couldn’t be. So I wrote a different list and on that one the first thing was ‘friend’. ..along with the other modifications. J

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The Naked Face

It all began with chance.

A case of happenstance.

Walking away so easy that day

Yet familiar tuggings making me stay

And as you drew close my self preservation

Said, ‘Wait right there! Don’t come any closer!’

It didn’t scream loud enough for you drew ever nearer

First the wall broke down.

It seemed to melt away so quickly

Like a wall poster in heavy rain.

I don’t think you noticed it was there

But I knew it was gone the first time I told you

A complete truth without fear

With no thought

For its import.

Me beneath my cloak and mask

Wanted to run away.

Curious rabbit wanted to ask

Many questions and wanted to stay.

Wanted to know why you act and talk

The way you do

Wanted to know the true bulk

Unravel the mystery behind you.

The hand that used to hold the cape closed

Now gripped yours like life-purchasing gold.

The concealant comes slipping down

My hand

To the ground

I barely notice

For I’m looking

Right at you

It drops in a neglected pool.

I want to grab it

While holding on to you.

Clumsy effort!

I must choose

The cloak or you?

Now we are arm in arm

‘So what’s the harm?

He still can’t see me.’

I reason it to be.

The face beneath the mask

Buried like a cask

In the ground.

You stop and there’s no sound.

I’m taken aback.

Hoping not to catch flak

You’re looking at the mask

With questioning eyes.

‘Oh this!’, I begin the task

Of telling you the familiar lies.

‘It’s part of me, I promise you.’

Your reply makes one thing clear

It comes off soon

No matter how much I hold it dear.

We continue to talk

As we continue our walk

But we’re stalling

And we stop again.

Your hand reaching up

To lift my visor

I’m stunned

At your audacious move

But I let you.

The part of me that does not follow the rules

Lets you touch it.

And in that split second

That you see the hidden,

Shock comes unbidden.

To look upon the misshapen,

Mismatched and forsaken.

You see my naked face

And my mask slips back into place.

 

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The day I Saw the World

On the day that I saw the world.

For the first time, frightening, I so feeble,

So wide and big and filled with people.

I, weeping for the loss of the cocoon that shielded,

They, rejoicing for the gain of a one so awaited.

The questions in mind as they hoisted me high,

A doctor, lawyer, writer or why!

Even a president, their dreams did fly.

In the twenty odd years that have come and gone,

And the sorrows and joys I have seen and borne,

In this, I remain thankful, most of all to You,

Lord most high, without you I’d be in a stew.

Even when I am in the wrong,

Your grace is there to keep me strong.

And my family, support of my existence.

Thank you so much for your love and persistence.

I frustrate you a lot. Yes I do.

But you’re all my favourite boos.

To my friends both near and far,

Know that you are always dear to my heart.

And though I may not call and text adlib,

I should hope we will meet in a better place anon.

With this I say happy birthday to me.

With hopes and prayers many more to see.

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The Watcher

The Watcher

The blazing mid-day sun had morphed into the orange orb that heralded the evening and still the figure under the dwarf palm tree sat. Neither the billows of dust that swirled in the air, tossed up by the strong breeze that usually blew as evening wore on nor the lizards and other small critters chasing each other on the ground nearby caused the figure to adjust its position. The silence maintained was like that of a trance meditation.  Every once in a while, someone would pass by and the customary greetings would be returned with an absentmindedness that did not encourage further discussions.

Noko had seen the wraith in her dreams three times now. It sometimes came like a masquerade that she could almost touch. Sometimes it came like a spirit that she could barely see and threatened to possess her. She had seen it once before her father hurt his back at the factory where he worked and when her younger brother fell from the tree and broke his neck. As she sat and contemplated, knowing that it never boded well whenever she dreamt of it, her thoughts began to drift to Mesan. He had been gone for much longer than he said. The weeks had become months and he was giving no thought as to his return. The frequency of his messages to her had dropped off as sharply as the rains at the onset of the dry season. This fact was well known to even the most taciturn old man in the community and sometimes on her days out in town, she could catch the glances of pity, concern and, on the faces of a few younger girls, thankfulness to the almighty for sparing them such an experience. On one occasion, the elderly women were not careful enough to make sure she was out of earshot.

‘Imagine her wasting all her time on that ungrateful boy…’, the first intoned while curving her lips downward with disgust at the absent young man.

‘If it were my daughter, I would ask her to forget him. After all, Obum is always coming around to see her. He’s as good a man as any.’, The second added her own two cents as she inspected the bolts of material to make her choice.

‘The folly of the young. They just believe that everything is love, love love…’

As she sat and pondered over what to do, the questions started to beat against the locked door. Am I being silly? Maybe I should give Obum a chance. Afterall, he has been my friend for such a long time and he understands me. Presently, the said young man came into view as he walked slowly into the compound. He was noticeably taller than most of the youths in the community. He had a smooth complexion the colour of baked clay that could make many a local belle green with envy. He walked with a slight limp as a result of a childhood injury but all that didn’t detract from the attraction he evoked. He walked up to her and sat beside her causing hardly a rustle as was his usual manner. So unobstrusive he was. It sometimes amazed her how he could manage to move so effortlessly and silently despite his huge frame. The combination of his movement and her absorption did not serve to make her aware of his presence. She only became aware of him when he placed his hand on her shoulder calling out her name. She came out of her reverie to see him looking at her with that strange mixture of pity and possibly love that she had lately come to notice.

‘What are you thinking so hard about? Hmm? That you didn’t notice me coming?’, he asked with a slight smile that betrayed the fact that he knew just what the subject of her thoughts was.

‘Good evening. How was your day?’, She said hurriedly.

‘Fine. Could have been better though.’,he responded meaningfully.

‘I’m glad yours was better.’, She said with a wry smile. One of the few she had cracked that day. Though plain, when she smiled, the crinkling of her eyes made you want to smile with her.

‘Have you heard from….’, he asked quietly. She shook her head briefly. The silence fell. They sat in companionable silence for over an hour broken occasionally by observations made by either one of them about the weather or recent occurrences in the community.

*       *       *

The young man made his way slowly towards the compound that seemed vaguely familiar now as if seen in a dream. The trees and bushes rustled in the stiff breeze that blew. His walk down the path was slow and wearied as if he were Atlas carrying the world upon his shoulders. He trudged forward unfeeling, unaware of or perhaps ignoring the stares of the few people along the road at that time. No one stopped to speak to him or ask him anything. It would seem that he had become a pariah of sorts. His breath caught as he rounded the bend and his heart beat took on the tempo of a bata drum being beaten with gusto.

*       *       *

The silence had been hanging – long and heavy – and Noko had just stood up to wish her friend a good night. She only caught sight of him as she turned towards the ‘gate’ which was really just a space between the hedge that surrounded the small compound. As he came closer and she saw his face clearly, her eyes watered and for a moment she was speechless. As if of their own accord, she moved towards him and threw her arms around him burying her face in his shoulder and liberating the tears. He held on to her as she muttered over and over, ‘Why didn’t you tell me? I suffered. I suffered…’ They didn’t even notice when Obum took his leave. His heart heavy within his chest.