New Dog, New tricks

Growing up, I always thought that my life would follow the pattern of all those before me. Graduate from university, serve the nation in Lagos, get a good job, marry and have children, get old and do all the things that old people are expected to do and then die – an old woman full of years.

Later on in the university, I edited that to include getting a masters’ degree (I hoped from a foreign university), getting a great job in a telecoms or an oil company with a great salary and then move on with the rest of the program.

Only after graduation and not getting to serve in Lagos did I think that my choices were leading me to a life of quiet desperation. Sure, I had always paid lip service to the ‘I want to change the world/make a difference/…’ Of course I assumed I would get used to living like that and somehow find satisfaction in it and find the spare time to change the world while at it. But, as I found in my few months of work and see daily in the tweets of others doing what I wanted to do, that isn’t the case. Yes, I may have endured but what is a life spent living for the weekends and public holidays?

Some of these things I still want but I realize now that my choices should be defined by what I need to do and not by what I am expected to do. Popular opinion can no longer determine what my life choices are. I have determined to find new tricks for the new dog. It is my resolution.

Independent Woman?

Image by Chapendra via Flickr

Thanks to serving the nation, I am living (enduring?) the dream of living on my own in a rented place. How it has been so far? Well….

• Bills, bills, bills

One of the worst things about living on your own is the bills to pay. Light, water, waste… you name it. They usually seem small but they do stack up and I mean quite a chunk of change goes in that direction. I have more respect for my dad now.

• Budgets

I have had to become a babe on a budget. No time or funds for excesses. Every trip has to be well planned out and mapped for minimum expenditure. Can I hear frugal?

• Housework

That’s right. The place stinks if I don’t clean and I have to live with it. If I don’t cook, I starve. Cooking, cleaning, buying house supplies…. I believe I have actually developed a sixth sense about house supplies.

• Time management

I’m in charge of my time and I have to juggle housekeeping, work and visiting friends. I have to decide what to do and since I spend about thirty minutes commuting to and from work, I really have my work cut out for me.

Running a house isn’t all tedium, though. It’s nice to be able to sleep in when there’s no work, decide when and what to cook, when to do chores and stuff and of course, the respect when I call home is simply amazing. Being on my own sure has its perks.

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Book Review: Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell, 2000, Thomas Nelson Publishers

…One question I used to hear was this: “If the possibility of failure were erased, what would you attempt to achieve?” That seemed to be an intriguing question and at the time it prompted me to look ahead to life’s possibilities. But one day I realized it was a really bad question because it took a person’s thinking down the wrong track. There is no achievement without failure and to imply that it might be possible gives people the wrong impression. So here’s a better question: “If your perception of and response to failure were changed, what would you attempt to achieve?”(Paraphrase mine)

-John C. Maxwell, Failing Forward

We are all inspired by the stories of achievers and how they rise from disadvantages and become superstars in their areas of endeavour. Somehow, we all recognise the common thread of adversity which they face and overcome before they hit it big time. Turning failures into strengths is not, however, a skill that can be taught merely by reading inspirational stories. Enter Failing Forward. In this well thought out volume. Dr. Maxwell has outlined the psyche of someone who can look failure in the eye and move on. It is highly recommended reading for all those who understand that life is full of adversity and are determined to make it anyway.

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Growing older … or growing up?

‘I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.’

John 21:18 (NLT)

Anyone who deals with children will tell you that they have minds of their own.  Especially toddlers; they are usually so fixed on their ideas that they resist all attempts to reason with them. Usually, for such children, laughter or mild irritation and a conclusion that they will outgrow it is in order. Truth is, nobody expects any sort of responsibility from children and nobody gives them any.

When these things were said to Peter, Jesus was referring to the kind of death he would die but I believe it also applies to life. As time goes on, growth demands that priorities change. The phrases ‘my own boss’, ‘I gotta be me’ and such like no longer apply. Growth demands a certain death of self-dependence and a new kind of life. In a world where self-dependence is praised and sought after, this is unheard of. But the paradox of growth is that, growing up means more dependence on others – making them star actors as well on the stage. For children and babies – even teens, not recognizing this fact is accepted but for grown-ups – incomprehensible.

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Stripped for Discovery

For the past two months, I have been far from home. I am living in a strange land with strangers. I am living in a place far from any familiar things or people, places or experiences. Before coming here, I have gone through the pain of separation from all the things I’d known, loved and taken for granted. But all that was nothing compared to the pain I felt coming here and knowing nothing and no one.

I ask myself why. Why should I be so far from what I know and love? Why should I be so far from home? I am stripped. I am stripped of all that I know and love. I am stripped of all that gives me confidence – all that I know and see is new to me. I am like a babe – naked, untried and unknowing. I am to listen and not to speak, to learn and not to teach, to know and not to be known. I am in need and not needed.

I am to be stripped for discovery. I am to be undressed so that I can be redressed in the clothes of new knowledge. Knowledge that is the fruit of self discovery.  Knowledge that births a metamorphosis. I am to discover afresh from a place of uncertainty. This is what I am here for. And I will not fail.